`Memories

2010-02-08T22:13:00.008+08:00

i forgot all about this blog ever since i came back from taiwan lol. here are the pics !

not finished yet, upload somemore next time :)

2010-01-19T16:07:00.002+08:00

Taiwan's a blast!

nice weather + nice scenery + nice food + pretty girls = i like :D

many many many pics when im back !

2010-01-05T21:06:00.000+08:00

TAIWAN : 050110 - 260110

bye

2009-12-16T22:09:00.002+08:00

going taiwan from 5th jan - 26 jan !
attached to bravo wing go there do abit of shit work and then its off for some hardcore playing and partying and shopping !

2009-11-14T20:55:00.001+08:00

quarrels and more quarrels.
cant we just be a happy family?
everything just breaks down until
nothing is left now.

2009-07-28T19:10:00.000+08:00

ahhh blogger's screwed mannnnn. think gonna change to livejournal or something soon.
anyway birthday yesterday was a wet day. pouring pouring pouring. such a good weather to sleep till shiok. hahaha.
as usual dinner at ys's house there and then off for mj. played till 1am and went home.
its the same thing almost every year but these simple things in life are what i can look forward to i guess :)

thanks everyone for wishing me happy birthday !

2009-07-20T22:47:00.002+08:00

alright alright. my blog is kinda screwed. there isnt any options in the typing page for me to change some things like font colour or even centralise it ):
sucks sucks sucks. anyone knows how to rectify it? please tell me! thanks.

birthday coming in 4 days! ahhh last time i used to look forward to them cause i would receive presents and especially the times when you have that special someone. but now birthdays are just days with monotony and lack any oopmfh in it. they feel so insignificant that i almost forgot about mine till someone reminded me. haha. anyways i wonder if anything special will happen on 27july. maybe there will be another ecilpse! if so i will want to catch it this time. xD

2009-07-15T23:44:00.001+08:00

i updated :) LOLOLOL

nothing much to say la. everyday now is damn boring. going to book driving soon.
had dinner with praveen at gekpoh today. damn long never see him siol and now he's posted to the jurong police HQ right behind my house there! hahaha.

i want my hair to grow faster! ))):

2009-06-30T16:25:00.003+08:00

found pics to jasmin's birthday party so thought i post it here xD

shall we just omit derek and qijun out. lol

birthday girl!

my beanie!~

lol photographer liew got in the way >.<

aiseh swee la this guy so cool man. HAHA

omg random =.= it was supposed to be a nice shot till that stupid girl poke the oily fork against my cheek =.=

2009-06-30T14:32:00.003+08:00

i am now in my bunk slacking my ass off. haha.

going down occasionally to help out around. other than that, i can use the computer for as long as i want and sleep for as long as i want. the sad thing is, i cant use any messenger like programs and there is no flash player installed so watching videos is impossible. so basically my pastime is now reading manga online. hahahaha.

i chanced upon this very nice romance manga called 'Suzuka'. this story relates a lot to people who is in love or who has fallen in love before. its quite a realistic story of 2 very opposite people who like each other. they get into many quarrels and often fall out. the guy is clumsy and thoughtless whereas the girl is a perfectionist in whatever she does. you can go to www.onemanga.com to read all about it :)

i like fireworks

thats all for today im going to take a short nap now. BYE

somehow i know that i still like her. the way she smiles and her voice, it just never fails to lighten my spirits. however i understand that we can never be together because of our differences. i cant catch up with her pace. she has so many accomplishments and i have none. furthermore she doesnt want to get into any relationships. i like girls who are sensitive and knows how to be caring and all. but she is just the opposite. i can say its just i liking from distance that can never be realised. its fine this way, because i know there will be someone out there better suited for me (:

2009-06-28T11:58:00.002+08:00

alright the place where i wanted to go to, OCS, just disappeared. i got out of coursed(ooc) because of my operation. i feel both sad and relieved. sad because i cannot be an officer anymore, but relieved because the life in there isnt really the life i want for my NS. i only realised it when i stepped into the grounds of OCS on the first day.
anyway im waiting for my posting now. will come in around 2-4weeks time. pray that it will be a good vocation for me please. hopefully somewhere near at least.
ciao

2009-06-21T13:16:00.002+08:00

from tommorrow onwards will be 3weeks of confinement in OCS. tiring both mentally and physically. plus i have an op the day after tommorrow. wonder if i can tahan life inside after the op.
alright OCS here i come! :D

2009-06-19T14:19:00.000+08:00

1.	You are posted to	OCS (ARMY WING).
2.	Your vocation is	OFFICER CADET (CBT).
3.	Your are to report to:	SAFTI Military Institute, Warrior's Hall.
	Reporting Date/Time:	22/06/2009 at 0700 to 0800 hrs.
	Person to report to:	AMPO
	Contact Number:	67997200/342/654

2009-06-16T23:15:00.002+08:00

long awaited POP :D

damn proud of myself that i completed the 24km route march with a bleeding toe. every step i took was pain and torment. but i made it! when i saw the end point i almost felt like tearing. next thing i know when i took off my socks was one toe thats screwed big time. still had to endure through the parade so must tahan somemore!
everything in BMT is over now. friends made there may last may go.
so many events and joy we had will stay as memories for us now. hopefully i wont forget them.

2009-06-06T21:57:00.002+08:00

my freaking big toenail went into my flesh again. bleeding badly everytime i take off my footwear.
i need to endure until the whole POP is over! i wonder if i can do so.

2009-05-31T11:53:00.002+08:00

1.5 weeks to POP. days just pass real fast for me now.
happy that BMT life is about to end but also sad that we have to part ways after that.
but this life yeah. things come into your life and before you know it they are gone.

booking out with that special someone waiting for you outside your house makes life a blessing.
it makes you linger for that someone.
but think deeper and you'll realise relationships during NS will mostly end up as a failure.
no time, no energy. girls will mainly end up as a burden to me.
focusing on my job at hand for now is good enough.

and to you if your reading this.
i will make you guilty for the rest of your life. thanks for your nice lies and thanks for playing with me because you will never be forgiven.

2009-05-17T12:14:00.002+08:00

back from sitest.
the 12km march was rather tiring especially after 3days of hell physical training.
it was chiong chiong chiong missions after missions for the first half of the day but after that we had all the free time to do what we want outfield.
completing missions were fun but my detail had a few wayang dogs who just think that they are so damn pro but cant do a shit when executing the mission. i see liao damn sian.
my platoon is very bonded now but 3weeks later we are all gonna pass out from bmt and each will go his own way.
it sucks but i guess thats just part of life. people come and people go.

2009-05-10T12:06:00.002+08:00

returned from field camp 2 days ago. shag but fun.
this coming week is gonna be another long one. booking out only on the saturday night.
chiong sua company all lidat. Zzzz.
its damn funny how my platoon react to incidents. just after we kena f like siao by the sgts and sirs we started playing mudball fights in the rain. then go tao pok the ppl who pump us let them tio mud also. lmao.
everyday laugh laugh laugh can get 6pecs liao lo.
booking in at 1815 today. its hello tekong again x(

2009-03-28T15:40:00.002+08:00

SEN NO YORU WO KOETE

Aisaretai demo aisou to shinai
I want to be loved, but you don’t seem to love me
Sono kurikaeshi no naka wo samayotte
I wander within that repetition
Boku ga mitsuketa kotae wa hitotsu kowakutatte kizutsuitatte
I found one answer; that even if I’m scared, even if I’m hurt
Suki na hito ni wa suki tte tsutaerunda
I can say “I love you” to the person who I love

Anata ga boku wo aishiteru ka aishitenai ka
Do you love me? Or not love me?
Nante koto wa mou docchi demo ii n da
As for things like that, it’s already fine either way
Donna ni negai nozomou ga
No matter how I wish
Kono sekai ni wa kaerareru mono ga takusan aru darou
There are many unchangeable things in this world, right?
Sou soshite boku ga anata wo aishiteru to iu jijitsu dake wa
That’s right, and because only the fact of my loving you
Dare ni mo kaerareru shinjitsu dakara
Is the truth unchangeable by anyone

Sen no yoru wo koete anata ni tsutaetai
I want to overcome the thousands of nights and tell it to you
Tsutaenaka naranai koto ga aru
There’s something that I must tell you
Aisaretai demo aisou to shinai
I want to be loved, but you don’t seem to love me
Sono kurikaeshi no naka wo samayotte
I wander within that repetition
Boku ga mitsuketa kotae wa hitotsu kowakutatte kizutsuitatte
I found one answer; that even if I’m scared
Suki na hito ni wa suki tte tsutaeru n da
Even if I’m hurt, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love
Kimochi wo kotoba ni suru no wa kowai yo demo
It’s scary to turn my feelings into words
Suki na hito ni wa suki tte tsutaeru n da
But I can say “I love you” to the person who I love

Kono hiroi sekai de meguri au yorokobi wo kotoba jya ii arawasenai ne
In this broad world, I can’t express the joy of encountering you with words
Dakara bokutachi wa hohoemi
So we smile,
Iro azayaka ni sugiru aki wo doremi de utatte
sing about the vividly passing autumn in do-re-mi
Fuyu wo se ni haru no komorebi wo machi
Turn our backs on winter, wait for the sunlight streaming through trees in spring
Atarashiku umare kawaru dareka wo mamoreru youni to
And become reborn anew, so that we can protect someone

Kita michi to yukisaki furikaereba itsudemo okubyou na me wo shite ita boku
On the path we came from and our destination, when we looked back, I’d always have timid eyes
Mukiaitai demo sunao ni narenai
I want to face you, but I can’t be honest
Massugu ni aite wo aisenai hibi wo
I, who repeated days of not being able to straightforwardly love my partner
Kurikaeshite wa hitori bocchi wo iyagatte
And hated being alone on that day
Ano hi no boku wa mukizu no mama de hito wo aisou to shite ita
Seemed to love people while unwounded

Sen no yoru wo koete ima anata ni ai ni yukou
I’ll overcome the thousands of nights and go meet you now
Tsutaenaka naranai koto ga aru
There is something that I must tell you
Aisaretai demo aisou to shinai
I want to be loved, but you don’t seem to love me
Sono kurikaeshi no naka wo samayotte
I wander within that repetition
Boku ga mitsuketa kotae wa hitotsu kowakutatte kizutsuitatte
I found one answer; that even if I’m scared
Suki na hito ni wa suki tte tsutaeru n da
Even if I’m hurt, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love
Sono omoi ga kanawanakutatte suki na hito ni suki tte tsutaeru
Even if those thoughts aren’t fulfilled, I can say “I love you” to the person who I love
Sore wa kono sekai de ichiban suteki na koto sa
It’s the most wonderful thing in this world

2009-03-22T21:41:00.002+08:00

3 more weeks to chalet. yeah C H A L E T.

i'm dumbfounded by everything. it all seems so unreal. truth and lies look to be the same to me.
i don't know how i'm going to spend this last 3weeks.
the feeling of chasing after something with vigour keeps me alive. yet the wait seems like forever.
no hints. no signs. no affirmation.

i miss her smile, her voice, her laughter, her smell, her touch. its just the whole her that i long for.
i really hope i can spend some time with her or something before my chalet calls for me. but i guess all of this may just be a dream. or should i say a nightmare.

somehow or rather i can dream of what i want almost every night. if i think of it hard enough before i go into the dreamland, the vision will appear in my dreams. i've been dreaming of her. yeah almost every night.

can i turn back time? if i can't can i fast forward the time to the end of this year?
if all doesn't work, can i just stay in my dreams?

bbq at wei cheng's

2009-03-16T10:08:00.005+08:00

BBQ AT WEI CHENG'S

2009-03-09T20:55:00.005+08:00

heres the catch. i screwed my As.
i dont know what the future holds for me. i dont know where im going to end up.
but one things for sure, i aint giving up on anything.
hope is a word that fits well with me. no matter what happens i always feel there is some hope somewhere. its only up to me to find it.
i want time to pass quickly. i want time to fly to end of the year now.

2009-02-25T03:31:00.002+08:00

her voice.
i still remember it vividly.

when i received her call a couple of weeks ago, i smiled when i heard her voice.
it was an unknowing smile. a gentle one. i was just happy to hear that voice again after so long.
but all i did was avoid. kept wanting to hang up asap.
deep down i really wanted to hear her voice for just a bit longer. because i dont know if i have to chance to anymore.
i know i cant be selfish. i cant barge into her life again just to make myself happy.
but i miss her. yeah.... everything about her.

if our love was a story
i would be the editor
and scrape away all the bad past
and rewrite our new future
if our love was a story

Touch My Body (Tuts My Barreh) / Karaoke Fail (English subtitles)

2009-02-21T18:52:00.001+08:00

something to make me laugh :)

2009-02-21T02:35:00.001+08:00

> 37 degrees

you believe in"loving with eyes closed and with a heart open" thus you r crazy unconditional lover

2009-02-21T01:42:00.002+08:00

i dont know why time and again i keep saying hurtful things to her. its not like i really wanted to say them but it just came out.
i saw her again today.
she seems to look drained. like she's just undergone some tough situations.
yet whenever i had the chance to stop and talk to her, i just looked away as if im avoiding her.
i dont know how to start things out.
there are so many things i want to ask her.

how have you been?
hows your studies going along?
have you eaten your meals regularly?
why did you sms me telling me all these suddenly?
what happened between you and joel?
why were you so cold hearted to me when we broke up?
did you think of me before?
do you have someone you like now?
are your parents still as strict with you?

i want to have a nice talk with her in person. without the cold attitude she gave me in the past.
i want to see the old her again. the her that i loved. and the her that i still love.

2009-02-18T16:38:00.002+08:00

you have your own person you love now.
i should stop.

2009-02-17T01:54:00.003+08:00

caught the movie 'valkyrie' today. can say it was quite an exciting movie. only thing was the theatre was freaking cold. we were all like shivering non-stop.
after that it was dinner at PS kfc and then down to e-games for l4d. janice came down to play with us. i whole night just keep aiming her only cause i know she would definitely scream. hahaha xD

sometimes i will wonder what the person is thinking. try to figure it out myself. but end up with nothing.
the feeling seriously sucks. dont come telling me things when i feel that it isnt what you want to say.
i dont like masks. they change people. into strangers

2009-02-15T03:10:00.002+08:00

spent valentines day with my siao friends for bball. lol
we did like a few hundred push ups each la. so long never do so many at a go can die. haha
anyway it was fun :D

i dont like vday.
i dont need you. that mask of yours. i have no emotions. remember that it was you who caused it. i want you to remember it for life. that you changed someone's life completely.

2009-02-09T18:41:00.004+08:00

it actually looks like whipped cream with chocolate shavings on it! lololol

gambled like addicts~long time never see many of them so it was fun!

2009-02-04T23:13:00.002+08:00

aiyoyo. why did marc go back to emo momo again. later jon say my blog is emo blog. lol.
yes marc is gonna be a happy man! no more sorrows. weeeeeee. hohohoman is here! :D

2009-02-03T02:38:00.001+08:00

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

2009-02-03T02:23:00.002+08:00

went to play l4d today at e-games. ppl who havent played this game should really go try it out. but i feel that its only fun when u play at the lan shop cause u can scream at ur teamates and all. haha. its like a crazy game where u kill zombies and escape to safe places. damn fun when u play with ur friends.
so long nv play FPS games that i feel giddy after a 5hr session. hope i don get any nightmares tonight! lololol.

been thinking alot lately. about many things.
this and that this and that.
what will our situation be? how can i face you without feeling hurt?
teach me

2009-01-28T02:43:00.004+08:00

momo shy in front of the cam at first

he's just so hyper u gotta put ur hand on top of him so that he doesnt run!

thats my nephew behind. he likes dogs but is scared of touching them. lol

yay this final pic is the best. everyone is looking at the camera. haha.

momo grown so much la. his head has definitely grown bigger. and his hair just got trimmed so he looked exceptionally handsome today ^^ he's now so strong and big till i even had a hard time wrestling with him. he'll wriggle out with full force and i had no choice but to hug him tight. but it was nice la. he felt so warm :) let go of ur hands on him for a second and he'll go berserk man. he is a walking time bomb and im the detonator. lololol. but i still love him :D
my nephew axious is only 5 this year. yet he knows so many things. ask him about cars and he can name u so many different models of cars that even i dunno about. his mum told me he once initated a conversation with an old lady he met in the bus and they talked the whole trip home. the old lady shocked tio by his flow of speech. like a teenager talking lidat. hahaha.

i still kinda remembered last year's cny. it was fun i have to say. going out with friends to bai nian and all. each year my cny just gets more and more dull. no life ah~ lololol.

it was around this time one year ago, that i fell for her.
now one year on, maybe that feeling hasnt gone.
i really dunno. because time and again when i see her pictures, my heart aches. it just aches.
why, i dunno.
i do still think even when i try not to.
i want her back. yet i cant bring myself to enter this scene again.
i hate her cause she scarred me.
i knew it. right from the start when i told myself to hate her and forget everything.
i knew it. it was impossible.
during the time when i was with her, she was all i ever wanted.
caring, sensitive, chatterbox, fun-loving, gr8 sense of humour, loving.
but her 180deg turn when we broke up made me so disappointed and heartbroken.
it was like a dream crashed.
i wanna move on. i wanna find someone new. i wanna experience love again.
but i dunno if i can do it or not.
because of the girls who i know have feelings for me, i never gave them any assurances.
i wanna play. and break ppls hearts just like how mine was broken. i wanted to be on top for once. to have someone love me more then i love the person for once.
but it just isnt me to do all that. my conscience wun allow it to happen.
so i end up here. apologising, making up, losing pride, losing confidence.
i done it all.
what else can i do? tell me please. someone just tell me please.

2009-01-21T23:00:00.005+08:00

one sms to erase all the damage of the past? plus there wasnt even a word 'sorry' in it. i was probably too soft hearted the moment u smsed me that my reply was positive. that is one of my weaknesses. the thing dint hit me till after one day or so when i recalled the past.

are u even sincere about making up? cause i don feel the sincerity to tell u the truth. it feels like ur obliged to do so. i dunno. i also dunno why so sudden and random come tell me this. wasnt it u who said u dint wanna have anything to do with me anymore? i was willing to give up and let u have ur happiness in the past. i told myself to erase u completely and to avoid at all costs cause any interaction would incur sad situations for u.

i never wanted us to be strangers or enemies in the very first place. it was u who made that gap between us. i tried so hard in the past to bring that gap closer but it only went further.

now u want it to be closer. shouldnt u do smth also? because i really dunno what im feeling anymore. i dunno if we can ever be friends anymore. its up to u if ur reading this.

2009-01-19T02:37:00.002+08:00

i wanna dye my hair again! what colour should i dye? hmmmm..........
slacking at home does feel shiok after a month of chionging for work.
i only did 3 things. eat. sleep. play. LOL

right now im feeling damn sad. its been a long while since i've been this sad.
smth happened that made me feel this way. don really like to elaborate on things since they are quite sensitive now. why so foolish? why? still cant accept it. ARGHHHHHH!

sad.angry.

this event made me realise how unpredictable life is.

ahhh cant type anymore !@#$%^&*(&^%$#$%^&*^%$#

2009-01-17T03:19:00.003+08:00

last day of work at bar none ended early last morning. it was a great experience working there. get to learn many different kinda drinks and also interact with the rich people. some spend money like drinking water lidat o.0
oh well went back to school to play abit of soccer. soccer helps me relief whatever stress or sad things. its my remedy. hohoho.

the emotional feeling of loving someone
i lost it

2009-01-06T06:22:00.003+08:00

handing in my resignation letter tml. eh its actually later la. lol. last day of work is 15jan and its goodbye to working at bar none. its been a fun 1mth i can say. met many funny people like burn, yan, halim, mimi, wandi and many more la. can u imagine ur manager throwing nuts at u for fun when ur clearing the table? LOL. i dint know it was him till i scanned around and saw him smiling so widely at me. he's the most zo bo manager i've seen man. super relac. haha.
after my work im going back to pj to play soccer everyday! its time to unwind and relax after a month of hectic nightlife. go crash the orientation and all. WOOOT!

seeing couples in the bar chilling and cuddling together, somehow made me envy them.
but i know things wont ever turn out right for me again.
so stop thinking
move
move on

2008-12-29T16:55:00.002+08:00

here are some prom pics i managed to kope. haha

off to work soon. tired..........

2008-12-29T01:57:00.003+08:00

okay this is something stupid that happened to me 2 days ago.
i worked finish and took mrt home. by then the sun was already shining brightly. i came down the mrt and walked outside to catch a cab cause i lazy wait for bus. on the way the sun was so bright so i looked down and walked. i saw a metal pole and i thought it was a lamp post or something. so i siam-ed it and walked and BOOM! i banged my head against the signboard. wtffffffffffff. it was freaking loud and pain. like got lorry ram me lidat. lol. damn ps la everyone look at me. i quickly flag taxi and zao. haha.

today's my off day. work is tiring cause the hours are the opposite of a normal working person. but im slowly getting used to it la. some regulars keep asking me drink with them. so one night i can like drink 5-8 glasses then abit high. lol. i must concentrate la or not i will buang cause the lights like disco lidat. whole day of rest does feel damn shiok. woooooot !

2008-12-21T03:58:00.003+08:00

i will always remember that girl.
i probably still think of her now and then.
leaving without a word was the best way afterall.

live happily girl

2008-12-21T03:43:00.002+08:00

woah first day of work and i feel so shag already. its been so long since i last stood for like 6hrs straight. my legs ached badly. when i carried the tray full of beer glasses, my hands felt sore. 2yrs back i worked at as a waiter in a restaurant. now i work in a bar as a server. almost the same. its just that i prefer the bar environment. there is the live band, lots of songs i know being played, friendly customers, adult crowd and in addition a cute bartender :D
those 6hrs felt like the longest 6hrs in my life. walks here and there to attend to customers. maybe its because of the event that made the place so busy. learnt many new things and the colleagues there were very helpful.
gonna work on xmas eve and new yrs eve. celebrating both occasions there too. i think its gonna be a blast. haha. whats more we are paid $10/hr on these 2days!
fun+money=SHIOK

2008-12-19T01:55:00.002+08:00

all should watch the anime named 'honey and clover'. its a nice love story and also very good for laughter(:
got a job at marriot hotel bar called: bar none. working hours makes u like an owl. but nvm la got job can le since i have too much time.
lately dont have the feel to blog. dunno is nth to blog or what la. haha. watch the honey and clover show makes u think about the relationships of the past. the good and the bad memories. the happy and the sad times. in the past whenever i think of such things. i'll feel kinda emo and stuff. but now everything feels so 'stone' to me. i dont feel affected emotionally or what. i dont even have the strength to go think about such stuff in detail. its jus so tiring. relationships during school days is like a double edged sword. there will always b happy occasions when both are happy. then later cfm will quarrel. in the end break up. nth fun about it at all. nth worth remembering. once friends then lovers and at last may end up as enemies.
what is with this love thing?
i seriously dont get it.
on tv and magazines, love seems so blissfull and nice. yet mine always seem to end badly.
i guess im jus not suited for such things.

ahhhh fuck love

2008-12-16T16:38:00.002+08:00

IM BACK!
bangkok was a blast man!
especially the hotel that i stayed. the top floor is 84 storeys high and opened air and its a revolving deck. when you go there in the night, the breeze and scenery is damn shiok!
spent 5 days at bangkok. spent $120 only but i got tons of stuff like 4 jeans, 5 shirts, 1 shoe, a few studs and etc.
ate alot also and i think i put on alot of weight. got to go running now! hohoho!

2008-12-11T14:39:00.002+08:00

GOING OFF TO BANGKOK IN AN HOUR! :D

coming back on the 16th............

2008-12-08T03:13:00.001+08:00

omg i got 3 big blisters on the sole of both my feet.
pain ahh.
i cant walk properly. >.<

2008-12-05T02:16:00.005+08:00

wah so long nv club then dance half a night till now still leg ache. lol. i wanna go club tml! but already set another meeting with the others cannot last minute say i not going. ahhhhhhhhh.
the feeling of dancing and letting loose is damn shiok man. its great to be free again and to be wild. hohoho!

my ear hole hasnt healed yet. and i still cant put the ear stud thru myself! ._.

2008-12-02T01:23:00.002+08:00

CHALET PICS!

2008-11-13T14:08:00.002+08:00

As ended unofficially yesterday. still have one more paper on the 18th which is physics mcq so kind of can slack already.
after the paper yesterday, we all played soccer in the super big rain. there was lightning and thunder but we didnt give a damn. nothing was going to stop us from having fun. haha. the field was like submerged with water and the ball always stopped in its tracks. we all do so many stun like skidding and sliding and falling in the 'milk tea'. LOL. got rocks also la which make me have so many cuts on my hands and sole of my feet. its been such a long time since i had this much fun. the craziness was all worth it. hahaha.

now my whole body aches like shit. lack of exercise explains why. i think around 2months plus never work out. lol

i wanna sleep again. woot

2008-11-09T17:48:00.002+08:00

i felt kinda happy a few days ago cause of something.

someone still owes me my birthday present.

guess that person forgot about it already.

it may not mean anything to _________

but it sure does mean much to me.

well. its ok

2008-10-27T02:05:00.002+08:00

so easy yet so hard to understand.

got my enlistment letter already. going to be botak on 13 april 09!
im freaking lucky that i never kena commando. i was quite certain i would get it cause of my track record. but henggggg ah. haha.

anyone have any ideas where to find a large range of clothings for prom? xD

2008-10-19T03:28:00.002+08:00

somehow whenever i look at other people's blogs, i look at myself and compare.
some have a great partner. they enjoy each other's company.
others either are heartbroken or don't even bother.
i ask myself. why are you not able to be like those happy ones? why are your relationships always a dead one in the end? what have you done wrong everytime?
there is no doubt that i feel envious of the happy ones. all i ever wanted was to treat the person i loved the bestest way i could. shower endless love on her.
maybe. maybe this wasn't the way to love. i don't know how else anymore.

now. i have a fear. fear of loving someone. fear of trusting another completely.
in a relationship, trust is very important. i no longer have the fire in me that yearns for a relationship. instead i want to dodge as many of them as possible. because of the fact that i know i can't give my all and the person will probably be hurt.
i tell myself to just go and play with people's feelings like how mine was played so many times before. everytime i want to go, i just can't bring myself to do it. i cannot devote time to someone that i don't have feelings for.

tell me. how can someone's feelings change over a few days? i still feel dumbfounded till now.
she left me. for another guy. although she can't be with him too. but its a complete change of feelings. how?
i should be angry. i should hate her.
but she appears in my mind every now and then.

for me. i guess its hard. to forget. someone.

2008-10-17T01:45:00.001+08:00

i feel so out of the world suddenly.
maybe its because i haven stepped out of the house for a week already -.-

2008-10-16T02:55:00.002+08:00

if i had a chance to tell you
i'd say that
istillloveyou

2008-10-10T00:56:00.002+08:00

i feel so dumb today
woke up at 12. decided i wanted to go to school.
went out for lunch with mum and she gave me a lift to school.
reached school at 2. went home at 4 -.-
found out that i don't know why i want to go school for. maybe i just kind of miss school life suddenly. all the crapping with friends in the canteen.
and i brought an umbrella only for it not to rain at all during my journeys. Zzz

on the bus home, i sat right at the bottom left corner seat.
so coincidentally all around me the seats are occupied by couples. and damn were they intimate. lol
in the past i used to feel envious. feel like i am alone.
but now i don't have this feelings anymore. i don't need a girl at least for now.
they are just troublesome and too hard for me to understand. relationships ain't my cup of tea.
friends and family are the only ones needed. they make my life.

im not gonna give the letter afterall. i cant see a point in doing so.
things just should not have started between us both cause the ending sucks.
its just smth dat comes by n goes in our lives.
after tml dere wun be any chance of us seeing each other again.
its good ba.
ciao

2008-10-09T00:19:00.002+08:00

had my last pe lesson today. its gonna be da very very last one.
man we played for 1.5hrs non stop n i freaking injured my knee cause of a dumb thing i did. now i have a deep cut dere D:
although my knee kinda felt weak but after sch it was soccer! like da last time gonna play till after As. da field was exceptionally nice 2 play on cause dey jus mowed it. haha
dere was a f***ing loud thunder accompanied with da f***ing bright lightning. wah it struck da rugby pole and we all were like less den 100m away. wtf.
dis friday will be da last day of school. life in college is ending soon.
why do i feel like it only jus started ystd? ahhhhh.......
time passes really fast. before u noe it, ur taking ur As already. especially in JC as its only 2 yrs.
been slping very late nowadays. im used to it already. cant get to sleep earlier den 2am. lol
i end up getting black patches. nooooooo. but at least i don have eye bags :)

study sleep eat study sleep eat study sleep eat study

dilemma

2008-10-01T04:03:00.002+08:00

tell myself don touch da com but i still touceh it. FUCK. lol

im thinking bout many things now
thinking bout the things i've done before.
poof. the first thing dat comes into my mind are relationships.
all i ever wanted was to protect da one i loved, was to shower endless love onto dat person.
but maybe i jus wasn't cut out for relationships cause it always seems to go wrong in da end.
i really don know wad wrong things have i done.
wad grave mistakes did i make.
initiated da break in my previous previous r/s and i dint noe it felt dat bad till i did it. by then its too late.
my previous one, i don know wad else to say.
both of us ended up as enemies. only hate surfaces in her mind when i appear i guess.
i wan 2 hate her too. can say i've hated her for a few mths i think.
somehow i jus cant hate someone for long.
i'll always be da one apologising in da end.
to me pride isnt worth much but friends are.
i don wanna lose any friends.
although till now i still feel much hurt after da previous incident, i jus wan 2 put it behind me n start all over again.
i know dats kinda impossible. im not hoping at all.
i just cant hate! fucking hell cant.

my mind jus tells me 2 say sorry 2 u
but nth will ever turn back time.
why cant we all live without grievances? without pain? without sorrow?
be nice 2 ppl n ppl will be nice 2 u.
i tried. i really freaking tried every single shit i can think of.
in da end, not a single meanng of da sentence is true.
i get ignored. i get scolded. i get humliated.
i tried 2 jus bear with everything but i couldnt.
i jus burst.
couldnt hold it anymore.
by bursting i hurt her again.
probably till da point of no return.
i don know wad else 2 do.
i don know how else 2 take another r/s.
i don have da confidence i used 2 have anymore.
it must be my life's most pessismistic period.

but i wont show it 2 anyone.
unsightly.

2008-09-23T22:26:00.001+08:00

dis will be my last post
after today its all da way to As
not gonna think bout anything till then.

wish me all da best!
goodbye!

2008-09-23T01:31:00.002+08:00

its kinda very tiring. to be always da one dat goes after ppl, dat does things to win the other's heart.
i wan to be wanted for once. just once.

i dunno if im able to handle another relationship too.
da feeling is dere, but so is da fear.

do i need someone now?
maybe.
needa sort out my feeings.

2008-09-19T04:14:00.002+08:00

wah lucky i stayed home today. acted as da mediator n solved da problem. quite pro ah me. haha.
but dint get 2 go sentosa with my class. sad:( no choice la family comes frs.

what's yours will be yours.
i've sorted out my feelings out already
take your time to sort out yours.

good things last
because they don't end so fast
like the past

2008-09-18T11:48:00.001+08:00

let nature take its course
not rushing anything

i wanna noe how u feel
but i guess its okay if u don tell me

2008-09-17T02:28:00.001+08:00

okay im gonna take da last paper for prelims later in bout 12hrs time.
still have As ah......................................

well nvm meeting jane for dinner after da paper later :)
PRESENTS PRESENTS PRESENTS! haha

2008-09-15T02:24:00.001+08:00

i wonder wad's on ur mind. how i wish i can read it.
but dats how life is so interesting yea?
looking forward 2 seeing u again. wonder if ur looking forward 2 seeing me too
wonder

2008-09-11T22:56:00.003+08:00

cool sia my class got da most committed class award. LOL! i wonder we committed in wad.
hmm let me see. we very committed in joining inter house games n da events can play like crazy ones.
we also very enthu with looking at girls tgt. n i mean gan enthu. HAHA! just look somemore only just look somemore only~~
we also like to defy auntie mollie. dat one we damn committed in making her dulan. we have our all time tanker SUSU to do da job. lmao. cfm she nth say in da end den chabo
tml morning our CM flying horse gonna go receive da award on da ramp in front of da whole college.
HEH HEH HEH! LET ROCK N ROLL!

2008-09-11T02:57:00.002+08:00

3 hours of sleep everyday is taking a toll on me.
but nvm i wanna make myself tired:)

idreamtofyou

2008-09-08T01:14:00.000+08:00

ahhh prelims like a few a hours later.
wish me luck! :D

2008-09-03T21:43:00.001+08:00

Girl facts---

When a girl is mean to you after a break-up

she wants you back but she is too

scared she'll get hurt and knows

you're gone forever!

when you catch a girl glancing at you,

she wants you to look back

and smile

When a girl bumps into your arm,

while walking with you

she wants

you to hold her hand

When she wants a hug

she will just stand there

When u break a girls heart

she still feels it when

you run into each other 3 years later

When a girl is quiet,

millions of things are running through her

mind..

When a girl is not arguing,

she is thinking deeply,,

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of

questions,

she is wondering how long you will be

around

When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a

few seconds,

she is not at all fine

When a girl stares at you,

she is wondering why you are playing games

When a girl lays her head on your chest,

she is wishing for you to be hers forever

When a girl says she can't live

without you,

she has made up her mind that you are

her future

When a girl says, "I miss you,"

no one in this world can miss you more

than that.

Guy Facts---

When a guy calls you,

he wants to be with you

When a guy is quiet,

He's listening to you...

When a guy is not arguing,

He realizes he's wrong

When a guy says, "I'm fine" after a few

minutes

he means it

When a guy stares at you,

he wishes you would care about him and

wonders if you do

When your laying your head on a guy's

chest,

he has the world

When a guy calls/texts/comments/messages you everyday,

he is in love

When a (good) guy tells you he loves you,

he means it

When a guy says he can't live without you,

he's with you till your done

When a guy says, "I miss you,"

he misses you more than you could have

ever missed him or anything else

how much of all this is true? we never know.

2008-09-02T11:04:00.002+08:00

i think i saw someone just now
it sucks cause i really don wanna see her
feeling of hatred is too much dat it feels pain
she doesn't know wad she's done to me
it can never be mended.
oh well it only occupied my mind for 5mins
she's nth to me. just a stranger.

ahh woke up so early for tuition at macs.
gonna go orh orh awhile :D

2008-09-02T02:10:00.000+08:00

i miss her.

2008-09-01T03:52:00.000+08:00

feeling all stressed up now

someone help me...

2008-08-30T04:29:00.002+08:00

im afraid that da past may happen again.

2008-08-29T03:15:00.003+08:00

she's always busy, very hard 2 find a day when both of us r free luh. well got no choice gotta wait lo. wonder when da right time will be.

i kinda miss her now. every time i go for my tuition on sundays, something in me just want 2 bump into her again. haha. i guess i'll leave it up 2 fate dis time.
time will tell all.

i tot thru it for very long
im sure now dat i still have feelings for u
real ones

2008-08-25T02:44:00.003+08:00

wa today super long day again. sian sian sian.
heavy rain all day and i got caught in it-.- but it was cooling la. haha.
less den 2.5 mths to A's. im strating to feel lots of pressure now. but... wad m i doing online now?!?!
ohmymy jia lat i gotta return da laptop to my dad tml so dat i don start to play again.
CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL! :D

stop thinking so highly of yourself.
think of your actions and ask yourself what you did.
i am who i am today its because of part of your doing remember?
you know something called limits? well i guess you don't cause you keep doing fucking hurting stuff without even budging. that's the real you. a cold hearted bitch
wake up spoilt kid. erase that mentality that i can't live without you. your nothing to me. nothing more than a game that i played. and now i'm sick of the game cause its too kiddish.
in all my years i've never really hated someone alot. but this time i really hate you and i mean it.
fuck off seriously. wasted my youth for nothing. JUST FUCK OFF

2008-08-23T23:40:00.001+08:00

ahh some fucker come sms me tell me off wtf.
my day shall not be spoilt by such asses.
STUDY MARCUS YEO :D

2008-08-23T18:45:00.013+08:00

MY BIRTHDAY PICS! abit late though. lol

2008-08-21T22:18:00.004+08:00

i've learnt so much from the relationships that i've been in before. how to love, to care, to make willing sacrifices for the girl you love without regrets. its all a great experience for me and i'm glad i went through all of them. it helps me with any relationships that i'm going to be in in the future.
i probably didn't realise that deep in my heart, someone was always holding a special place there. she is someone i think i still have feelings for. when i was feeling down from my last break up, i immediately thought of her. i just had the thinking that she will be able to make me happy and not think about the sad stuffs. and yea she was there for me and made me cheer up:) she spent the night listening to my ranters and gave advices to me. i can say she's different from before because now she understands people's feelings better. praises for her! haha.
i guess i do miss her now especially after the day i bumped into her. (she should who is she already by now. lmao) but yea i know she doesn't like to sms everyday or meet everyday because she needs her freedom i think its good this way too as absence makes the heart grow fonder remember? Lol. i truely understand this phrase now. she made me realise so many things in life.
relationships should be taken a step at a time. it should not be rushed. things will last when it is slowly nurtured and the same goes for relationships. maybe she's not very sure of how she feels now too. but i hope she'll wait for me this time for my A's to finish first. its only 3 months later. after that maybe something will work out:)
till then, i'm looking forward to outings with her. to get my presents and for movies! haha.

i want you to know
your my motivation and strength to persevere on during this stressful period

2008-08-17T22:58:00.002+08:00

woot happy happy day. today :D
first i saw mrs tay at je and she still remembers me! haha. chatted with her for awhile. found out she's still at fuhua. wah so long dere le.
den later i saw JANE! haha. like super long never see her already man. kinda miss her? lol. she still looks da same from da last time i saw her. maybe she grown abit taller i think. or is it i became shorter? AHHHH..... but anways damn happy 2 see her today :D u still owe me my 2 presents! hahaha. and movies too!

gonna repair my screwed up hp tml. must go all da way to cause way point. SIAN AH SO FAR

2008-08-12T22:21:00.003+08:00

tests tests study study study.
monotonous life man. sucks. LR gain SR pain. ECONS! lmao
lucky got daughter to crap with me. haha

i guess i don have a part to play in ur life anymore.
as much as i wan 2 be da one to be dere for u when u fall, i cant.
im jus glad ur happy.

2008-08-10T23:05:00.002+08:00

i keep listening to a song recently 'deep and meaningless' by Rooster.
guess it applies to me quite closely. ha.

had tuition frm 1030 to 6 again. tired tired tired.
but i cant sleep =/

i hate this feeling. empty.

i pray for you again
nothing else i can do

2008-08-07T18:22:00.003+08:00

gotta wait a month lidat 2 see if i needa operate my toe. during dis whole mth da doc force me slippers! haha. cooling la.

i hope ur okay.

2008-08-05T02:56:00.002+08:00

going for op tml. abit scared la dunno how it wil turn out =|
hope it'll heal fast n not pain:)

i dont know why. but my heart still hurts.
have to forget. she won't come back to me.
wake up

2008-08-04T20:03:00.002+08:00

i once promised you that whenever you fall, i'll be there to catch you. i won't break my promise. but i'll catch you, with someone else's arms.
i still care for you, even though i know you don't for me.
i know what i did in the past cannot and the mistakes i made can't be taken back. i made the wrong decision that time. i can't change anything now.
but i hope remember that i once appeared in your life. because i'll remember the wonderful memories you gave me before for the rest of my life.

2008-08-04T02:17:00.002+08:00

been thinking alot lately again. ahhhh. sucks.
had a long day today. 4hrs straight of econs tuition followed by 2hrs of maths tuition. omg can die la! and guess wad? it'll be like dis for all my sundays till da A's. 1030am till 6pm. wth. no pain no gain. no pleasure without pain (lol my econs tutor's shirt da words:D)
im tired tired tired now. but cant seem to get 2 sleep.
dint go for da op on sat. wanted 2 just hold on a bit longer cause i feel like its not dere leh. dunno la.
anyway gotta go for da op tml i guess. its getting more n more painful. RAHHH! my mum told me it'll be pain:( but i'll get 2 wear slippers 2 sch. haha

walked alone in da breezy afternoon. it was nice cause da sun wasnt too hot. put on my mp3 and slowly went down da pavements beside da road. while walking i thought of many things ( i walked for an hour btw D: )
how insignificant i was compared to him. how incomparable he was.
it'd been good if dey were tgt. dey were meant to b in da first place. maybe i was jus a momentary hindrance. its easy 2 say dat dem being tgt i'll be happy. of course i will feel sour. of course i'll feel pain. of course i wished it was me. but i noe i wouldnt b able 2 give her da love he gave.
i probably wun even appear in her mind at all. but she keeps appearing in mine.
she must be feeling damn hurt now. i wish i could do smth. but nth seems to be da best smth.

2008-08-03T03:04:00.000+08:00

it really hurts to see a picture of her in someone else's arms

2008-08-03T02:36:00.004+08:00

wow spent da whole day slacking at home:(
went for extra free econs tuition. haha. da tcher damn good tutor us 4 free! :D
tml still going for da j1 class so it'll be 4hrs straight of econs. omg.
but its good la cause i get 2 divert my mind away frm other things.
why do r/s have to be spoilt by parents? i dowan her anymore. just let her be with him and b happy. seeing her so sad makes me very sad too. da pain she feels i probably feel da same. she obviously loves him alot. why cant dey be tgt? he waited for her for so long and im no match 4 him at all and i give up without regrets. i really wan her to be happy but everytime she gets hurt. she cant love someone wholeheartedly cause she's not allowed to. why?!?! i don understand.
and i cant talk 2 her or anything cause i may make things worst. da feeling of sitting back n seeing her like this is really unbearable. but i still have to remain. for her sake. she's a good girl. deep in my heart she'll forever b one. no matter how she treats me. i pray dat she'll be okay. things will turn out fine for her i hope.

2008-08-02T04:05:00.003+08:00

woot going for a small operation later. got a swell cause my toenail grew into my toe so gotta cut the flesh and extract the nail. sounds damn PAIN la but my mum says its not pain at all. haha.
hope everything will be okay! :D
i can only wish for ur happiness, silently.

2008-07-30T20:06:00.004+08:00

muscle aching after gym ystd. today was da last day ruoning will be in our class so we had a mini party during CT lesson. haha. had cake and a special apple pie dat our CT baked for us. CHARIZARD treats us very good la i have 2 admit =X LOL

whole day floating mode. keep on wanting 2 sleep sia.
heard da UG groups practising 4 national day. oh man it was damn nostalgic. i remembered da days when i was da one dere shouting all da commands and looking so 'sat ki'. haha. but dese days will nv b relived again :(
i cant seem to really hate her no matter how much i want to.
when i see her happy now, it doesn't matter anymore.
no matter how badly she treated me, i still want her to be happy. and im glad she is now.
thats how i really feel.

2008-07-28T22:53:00.003+08:00

ahhh my parents again :(

its cause of my uncle dey all who are staying beside us suddenly moving hse.
my grandparents frm my dad's side are staying with dem and now dat dey are moving hse, my uncle is unwilling 2 keep my grandparents.

den my grandparents wans to come over our hse 2 stay but my mum die die oso dowan. my dad had 2 reject dem but he felt bad.

i learnt dat mum had a very bad past with dad's parents.
now both of them are at loggerheads again.

i only wished our problems were lessened.

2008-07-28T00:58:00.004+08:00

WOOSH! had a spectacular birthday today man. hahahaha!
it was kinda boring in da afternoon cause had tuition all da way.

but in da night went 2 meet da usual gang at CU. dey are always dere 4 me la dey are da best! :D
decided 2 go da basketball court dere eat zhu cao.

connie gave me a choco candies tube. THANKS!:D
talked alot and caught up with everyone. it feels great 2 gather again:)

after dat went 2 yishen house void deck. i knew wad was coming la.
dey put one candle on a chocolate muffin den yishen grabbed me and everyone sing happy bday song. den PAM! tio face smash. LOL. revenge time n i chong jia liang let him huat. hahahaha!

went up 2 ys hse and dey had a proper fruit cake dere. ahhh its been real long since i last ate a cake for my bday. everytime oso kena face smash. hahaha. took quite some photos:) hope i can have a chance 2 upload dem cause my laptop may b confiscated by tml :(

stayed 2 play mahjong with jt, ys, tw, jl and his bro till 11plus b4 heading home.

IT WAS A SUPERB BIRTHDAY. THANKS EVERYONE! :D

2008-07-26T13:48:00.003+08:00

woot! marcus yeo is now back to normal! hahaha.

okay studies first now. triple As are wad im gonna get and im hell bent on getting it no matter wad. haha. CHIONG AHH!!

oh oh! tml's my birthday. heehee.
i wan canvas shoes, sports shoes, shirt, white loafers, cap, PSP, NEW BAGPACK AND SLING BAG ARE TOPS OF LIST, watch.............................. alot 2 name ahhh. haha.
and jane liew owes me 2 yrs of presents ! wahahahaha!

2008-07-26T02:27:00.002+08:00

went to her hse today.
oh my first time i went and its so huge!
her room was not da ordinary messy la. hahaha!
she treats me real nice:)))

her hugs are warm:)

2008-07-26T02:24:00.001+08:00

You say hello, inside I'm screaming I love you
You say goodnight, in my mind
I'm sleeping next to you
You drive away from my car crash of a heart
And I don't know

But you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you

You talk to him, and it burns me like the sun
You talk to her, and you say that you feel like he's the one
I talk to me, but you can't hear the pain I feel
You don't know

Cause you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the sad songs ain't so sad
I only wish that there was more than that
About me and you

[Bridge]
Oh, don't turn around and say bye again
Yeah it crushes my head when you call me
Your friend and I'm not the same person
From back in the day in the back of the class
That you thought was gay
No I can't find the words cause I lost them
The minute they fell out of my mouth
And it's love and I'm in it, so give me your lips
And just let me kiss 'em
And let's get messed up and listen to probably...

The best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you
About me and you
About me and you
About me and you
About me and you
About me and you

great song :D

2008-07-24T18:34:00.000+08:00

i've moved on :)

2008-07-17T22:45:00.001+08:00

wont be posting till after A's i guess. im completely banned from da laptop cause of my straight U's.
till den take care everyone.

2008-07-13T04:33:00.000+08:00

just cant get to sleep at all

2008-07-12T00:01:00.003+08:00

marcus yeo. give it up man! ppl already don care bout u why do u still care so much bout her? she doesn't even care if ur alright or not or if ur dead or not. why do u still bother bout her life? cause i cant help it
i tend 2 get jealous, envious and all. but i have no rights 2 do so. 'why cant i be da one instead?' i ask myself dis every now and then. then i ask myself why did we have 2 break up in da first place? why dint we just give each other one more chance? and then its all bout her parents. but was our love dat unstable from da very start? i've always love her with all i've got and never once wavered. i never doubted her love b4 too. i could feel it throughout da whole of our r/s. but when she suddenly said she had no more feelings anymore, dat was wad hit me da hardest. dat was wad hurt me so bad dat i was hospitalised. but nth hurts more den her leaving me. she wants it dis way and i have no choice but 2 accept it. i don deny dat im still hoping dat she'll come back 2 me someday. because a girl like her's impossible to find. i just know dat.
how long it takes 2 win her back, how long i'll wait. after my A's, or maybe after her A's, i dunno. she told me not 2 wait. im sorry. i cant. cause i've already set my mind 2 wait for da day dat i have a chance 2 win u back. no matter how much u hate me now, how much u feel dat wad im doing is no use cause u'll never like me again, i'll still wait.
right now, i have 2 force myself as much as i can, not 2 talk 2 her if she doesn't want to. although i really hope dat we can just be friends now, it seems she's still not fond of dat idea. i cant do anything if she doesn't wanna tell me anything. maybe nothing is wad she wants. im not sure too. everytime i visit her blog my heart would wrench uncontrollably. but yet dere will be a tinge of smile in me cause i noe she's happy. its very hard to love someone when u cant b with da person. its very hard to feel truely happy when u see da girl u love being happy without u. how hard it may be, i'll try to overcome it. because im marcus yeo. i must be strong.
if only im da one who has a place in her heart

i just received a letter from MINDEF today. im chosen 2 be a commando and gotta report for deir assessment on 25july at a pasir ris camp by 745am! WTH! so freaking early! i dowan 2 b a commando. in a war dey are da first one 2 die sia. and i read up dat deir lives are always at risk throughout da whole 2yrs of NS. needa go jump parachuting 5 times and do a one off 72km road march. SIAO. its totally crazy stuff. but if i do get in, wish me luck man.

my birthday wish; it still remains.

2008-07-11T00:01:00.001+08:00

it hurts real bad.

2008-07-10T23:12:00.001+08:00

i just cant stop crying now

2008-07-09T23:30:00.003+08:00

i guess she has someone else she likes now already. i shud b happy 4 her ba. although i feel hard done by cause im not da one, if she's happy den its okay i guess. its really okay. i just needa cry everything out tonight and i'll b fine tml.
i have many mixed feelings actually. happy, sad, angry, crazy, cranky. i cant seem 2 get my feelings right now. which is why i got ALL U'S for my mid yrs. i dint even study properly cause nth really got into my thick head. its hard. n i really hope dat i wun pull her down too. i hope she'll do well unlike me. ha even till now im thinking for her. kinda dumb yea? i may look like im damn wei da but i think i suck. i dint think for her b4 n was selfish. i was just all bout myself n scared dat she'll leave me. in da end i caused trouble 4 her when all i wanted was 4 her 2 b safe from it. how ironic. wads done is done n cant b undone like how i want.
she's a clever girl. she noes wad she wants n if she fixed her mind on smth, even i cant change it. although she may look naive n all, but she isn't da least bit like dat. from my days with her, she showed me how mature she was in handling a r/s. she was caring, thoughtful, understanding, sensitive and she knew how i felt. dats her. n dats da her i love. dats da her, dat im willing 2 sacrifice my happiness, in return 4 hers.

2008-07-07T22:43:00.002+08:00

everynight i cant sleep. siannn. i feel so tired but yet i'll end up flipping in da bed. haha. by da time i noe it its time 2 wake up already:( oh man i've nv had insomnia before la. first time i have eye bags too. UGLY!

i cant afford 2 have any free time where i have nth 2 do at all. my mind will start 2 think of everything n i noe i cant do dat now. i must b strong. dis is only da beginning. when i see her in sch i must use all means 2 get away frm her. i understand myself well dat once i talk 2 her, i'll nv b able 2 give up again. probably she understood it too dats y shes ignoring me. but i really hope someday we'll b able 2 talk 2 each other again. i will always welcome her 2 talk 2 me anytime.
while im typing here, i can feel dat my heart is telling me dat i still wan her back. bui i cant! i cant! i cant do it. for her sake i cant do it. i once told her if i was in da way btwn her n her parents i would leave. i cant take back wad i said now. so many times i wanted 2 sms her, call her but i cant! its tearing my heart apart everytime n whenever i cry, i think bout wad someone told me. 'why do u cry? deres no use in crying.' n i try 2 fight back my tears. sometimes i win, sometimes i just feel hopeless. i will think n convince myself dat shes better dis way. i will think of her being happy n think of her smiling happily. dat will make me smile too:)
i told her dat i had a bad feeling before dat we may end soon. somehow da bad feeling came true sooner den expected. im lucky dat i cherished every tiny little moment with her. whenever i was with her i told myself dat i had 2 give her da best n give her all my love n care. i dint wan 2 have any regrets. and i noe now dat i've done all i could n breaking up was da wisest choice afterall.
for now, i'd do anything 2 ensure dat she'll remain happy, even if im not included in her life.